Our children are our entire future. They will be holding God’s message and our Islamic heritage. It’s easy to see why the proper raising of our children should be centric in our daily lives. Raising them must be based on the reality of their creation and the teachings of the Quran because God says Himself that the Quran guides mankind to the straightest path:
إِنَّ هَٰذَا الْقُرْآنَ يَهْدِي لِلَّتِي هِيَ أَقْوَمُ وَيُبَشِّرُ الْمُؤْمِنِينَ الَّذِينَ يَعْمَلُونَ الصَّالِحَاتِ أَنَّ لَهُمْ أَجْرًا كَبِيرًا
Indeed, this Qur’ān guides people to the straightest [path] and gives the good news to [the believers] who perform good deeds that they will have a great reward.(17:9)
To have good individuals in a good family and society, we need to raise kids properly. In this article, we will study a few Quranic methods for raising kids.
Encourage Your Kids
Children are the flowers of the garden of the family. They should be treated with great care. When performing good deeds, use this opportunity to encourage them and give them a positive reaction. How about when they perform bad deeds? Don’t be harsh. Rather address their bad deed indirectly, in a way that they would understand that their behavior is unacceptable.
Remember Your Goal and Don’t Overwhelm Them
Parents should teach their children to step by step, with the end-goal being that they perform good deeds for the sake of Allah and avoid bad deeds for Him too. This is the key element in a child’s upbringing: to know that God always sees their deeds and words, and they will be held accountable in the divine court. One way to do that is through telling them Quranic stories.
Be a Good Example
People always seek role models. It helps them understand themselves better and be clear about their decisions, who they are, and what they want to become. Children start by looking for role models in their immediate surroundings — the people they live with. Therefore, they are vulnerable to our mistakes since they may imitate our bad deeds. Is it reasonable to expect kids to behave well when their role models don’t? It arouses God’s wrath if you do not practice what you preach.
يَٰٓأَيُّهَا ٱلَّذِينَ ءَامَنُوا۟ لِمَ تَقُولُونَ مَا لَا تَفْعَلُونَ ﴿٢﴾ كَبُرَ مَقْتًا عِندَ ٱللَّهِ أَن تَقُولُوا۟ مَا لَا تَفْعَلُونَ ﴿٣﴾
O You Who Believe! Why do you say that which you do not practice? It greatly incurs the wrath of God to say what you do not practice. (61:2-3)
Introduce Good Role Models to Their Lives
As children grow up, they can follow role models who are not necessarily around them. Children learn and follow them with their own capacity. God introduces Prophet Muhammad (s) and Ibrahim (s) as good examples for us.
لَّقَدْ كَانَ لَكُمْ فِي رَسُولِ اللَّهِ أُسْوَةٌ حَسَنَةٌ لِّمَن كَانَ يَرْجُو اللَّهَ وَالْيَوْمَ الْآخِرَ وَذَكَرَ اللَّهَ كَثِيرًا
Indeed, there is a good example for you in [the character of] the Messenger; [and] for those who have hope in God and the Last Day and remember God much. (33:21)
قَدْ كَانَتْ لَكُمْ أُسْوَةٌ حَسَنَةٌ فِي إِبْرَاهِيمَ وَالَّذِينَ مَعَهُ إِذْ قَالُوا لِقَوْمِهِمْ إِنَّا بُرَآءُ مِنكُمْ وَمِمَّا تَعْبُدُونَ مِن دُونِ اللَّهِ كَفَرْنَا بِكُمْ وَبَدَا بَيْنَنَا وَبَيْنَكُمُ الْعَدَاوَةُ وَالْبَغْضَاءُ أَبَدًا حَتَّىٰ تُؤْمِنُوا بِاللَّهِ وَحْدَهُ
Indeed, there is a good example for you in Abraham and those who were with him [i.e., his followers]. When they said to their [disbelieving] people, “We clear ourselves from you and what you worship instead of God, and we disown you. [Indeed,] animosity and hatred have arisen between us forever, unless you [abandon arrogance and] only have belief in God alone”. (60:4)
Find Good Friends for Them
Have you heard that you are the average of the few people you spend most of your time with? We—children included—are heavily influenced by our friends. There’s a world of difference between a person surrounded by good friends and those surrounded by inappropriate ones. One of the great regrets of the wrongdoers on the Day of Judgment is the friends they had chosen.
وَيَوْمَ يَعَضُّ الظَّالِمُ عَلَىٰ يَدَيْهِ يَقُولُ يَا لَيْتَنِي اتَّخَذْتُ مَعَ الرَّسُولِ سَبِيلًا يَا وَيْلَتَىٰ لَيْتَنِي لَمْ أَتَّخِذْ فُلَانًا خَلِيلًا
And when the wrongdoer will bite his hands and say, “I wish I had taken the [straight] path along with the Messenger. Woe to me! [I Wish] I had not chosen so and so for a friend.” (25:27-28)
Teachers expose their students to their beliefs and ideas through the many days and hours they spend time with them. Therefore, teachers play a key role in the character of kids. They follow their teachers and copy them. So a teacher can change a person’s life. A good teacher is a gift from God.
What we receive from a teacher is like food; it nourishes our spirit and mentality — poisoned teachings poison our spirit. The Quran teaches us to be careful what we eat, including what we feed our soul and mind.
فَلْيَنْظُرِ الْإِنْسَانُ إِلَىٰ طَعَامِهِ
Therefore, the Human being should consider his food. (80:24)
- Show your love and affection, and provide a safe and calm environment for your children.
- Never insult them, but it must be made clear that a bad deed is bad and should be avoided.
A good society and family come from good individuals. We must raise our children properly. In this article, we studied some of the ways of raising children based on Quranic teachings. Children are the flowers of the garden of the family. They should be treated very carefully. Encourage them when they perform good deeds, give them positive feedback, and beware not to be harsh when they make mistakes — try to address their mistakes indirectly and let them understand that you are not pleased. People, children, in particular, have an inclination to follow a role model. Children primarily follow their parents, so an important element of raising children is to behave the way we want them to behave.